Track of my life

Giving up

2009-08-11T02:48:00.002+08:00

Out of so many wishes.... somehow i only waiting for the wishes that come out from your mouth?
is that really that hard? what am i to you?

I try all my might to keep this relationship workout, but somehow.. only me alone who try to work it out. i'm tired.

i starting to giving up for trying..... think what you want.. and get back to me. i ain't gonna do shit anymore. if this really the end then let it be.

at least i tried. i know i give all my best.

what a birthday surprise. . . FML.

Love = Love? or Love = yourself?

2009-07-29T13:46:00.005+08:00

Should love = love?
meaning should he or she love you equally the same as how you love them?
should you love yourself more? or your partner?

To me, i love her but i love myself as well, i care about her but on the other hand i do care a lot about myself as well.. so which one i belong to? love her more or myself?

I don't know..
I'm still trying and see how far can i go just for her... but for now she is the only person i care most right after my family and my buddies.

well just random thought of mine, haha..
anyway we presented our fyp already today at 10AM and manage to get the codes works, thank you guys, for these past 13 weeks.. just love you guys "jia le ting" and "wo wei shanny"

Hugs and love

2009-07-28T00:39:00.002+08:00

Okay guys, do you guys like to be hug by other?

to tell you i'm totally in love it! i love it, when my dad hug me (of course he soldom do it, in fact he only did it like once?) i feel so secure as if even the whole world collapse he will be there for me,

If i could hug my mom i bet it's going to be nice.. but too bad she is gone but still i still remember i manage to hold her hand before she left us..,

My step-mom? well i love her.. and she hug me like once also, i feel awkward but well i like the feeling, she is the woman that i love and respect most after my mom.

and lastly, my girl.... i feel so good and great when she hug me from the back, (I know what are you guys thinking it's not that "part" okay! haha), It's the feeling, i feel peace, calm, secure and love at the same time.

Question for me,

Kiss or Hugs?

well i'm a greedy person, i want it both! if well. i love to kiss on her forehead and smell her! haha.. it make me feel good(do take note i'm not a pevert okay).

Luck? where are you?

2009-07-21T13:58:00.004+08:00

Well this is sooo f***ed up, i lost my phone yesterday.

YES i lost it, and guess how i lost it?

I don't even know, only 2 possiablity:

1.While i'm having something,, you know what i mean. i drop inside the toilet bowl (rate 70%)

2.I drop in the toilet and some lucky brat pick it up (rate 30%) -.-

I was damn screwed, my mom nag+scold+nag+scold again and again on the phone.. well it was really my bad, for not taking a good care of my belongings.

She warn me if i'm lost my phone again, she ain't going to buy for me anymore, YES no more -.-

i got no options left but have to agree with her, and i really feel bad for that.

I been spending too much, way too much already. i should really learn how to save. sigh..

any tips?

so yeah.. forget about the bad thing happen to me.. move on to some good news.

i got myself a blackberry bold. whee yaaa chopp kapow!!.. (i still feel bad okay).

and i'm like an ice age man who trying to use high tech phone, took me almost 6 hours how to use the functions and stuffs -.- ..

to someone.. i miss you badly. i wish i could spend more time with you.

the only thing i want is "Time". more time with you =)

Determinations!

2009-07-14T02:02:00.002+08:00

Okay, after months of resting and staying in the comfort zone.

It's time for me to hit to the gym again, yeah! welcome,, for entering the zone of no life again.

i want to get back in shape i been looking like shit recently cause of the mass gainning and my tummy look huge now.

it's time to cut and be big and lean! haha =)) cheers..

Welcome "EF 17-40mm F/4 L"

2009-07-08T00:53:00.004+08:00

Welcome to my house lens =)) haha

just got this dope with jeffry at Ms colour, i really hope this lens can serve me well..

If cant suit my shooting style i will just sell it away next month.. so pls pls serve me well k? haha..

Btw i just uploaded my new picture in to my facebook so yeah.. perhaps you guys will be kind enough to click on the link and drop some comment? haha=)

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=7554332&id=514835397&ref=mf

So here by now! i'm telling you guys. everything is solved! my romance life is solve and guess what?

happy endinggg... well it's not really end! but yeah for this chaper is closed.

the new chapter will begin soon, it's a tough and long road i need to face with this person whom i love and i adore most =)

well let's pray hope everything will be fine =)

Song of the day

Sean kingston - fire burning

Stalker? huh? YES! haha

2009-07-06T01:14:00.003+08:00

Omg, i can't believe it.

I'm actually stalking this girl from youtube? HUH? YES! i can't believe it! i just did it.

But seriously she got the voice, skill and of course she look cute to me. haha.. I GOTTA stop this lol.. this is my first time and gonna be my last time to stalk someone! haha..

here is the video: enjoy

PS: i found this video in facebook, someone post it. i cant remember who.

Tossing it high and just let it go

2009-06-30T21:41:00.003+08:00

Okay, i watch transformer again.... Megan fox is smokinggg hottt! haha okk okk.. i should stop.
so yeah.. sharing time again..

Morrie said:
"Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do"
"Accept the past as past without denying it and discarding it"
"Learn to forgive yourself and forgive others"

Well for me, i tried to follow what morrie said. It's hard to do but i will try and somehow i no longer feel sorry for myself.
Okay as a human being it's alright for you to feel pity on yourself, like you slip the chances in your life, and stuffs. But only for awhile cause you still got a life to lead. I believe you don't want to live in the sorrow right?

So when after you feel sorry for yourself, perhaps shed a few tears. You need to get back on your feet and be ready to get on to your journey.

It's hard to forgive others, But it's even more harder to forgive yourself. so you need to forgive yourself before you learn how to forgive others. I learn it in the hard way, and i realize, i already forgive myself for being such an ass and messed up my life in the past.

I'm trying to lead a new life here :).

It's hard for me but i try to move on now from the past, but it doesn't mean i total forget about the past. The past will still be the past and it will still be a part of my memories. Either is a bad one or good one is my choice. And decided to think it's a good one. life is already hard to lead so what is the point to make it harder? haha..

I don't feel sorry for what i'm now but i'm proud of who i'm now and thinking of what should i do to my life and so on.

Everything is on your hand, it's your own choice ;)

Lost love still love

2009-06-29T01:02:00.002+08:00

I just finished my book..
Seriously it's a nice book, "The five people you meet in heaven". i was a bit slow. some of you might have read this book, but well just to share with you guys how i i feel after reading the book =)

it said:
"Lost love still love, it takes a different forms, that's all. You can't see theirs smiles or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken. another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it."

Finally i see it through. It's not really the end of every thing,
It's a lost love but still love, it take different angle to see it. For some might not be able to see it, but eventually you can see it in the end, it take times.
It's not about the out come of the love but it's the process of the love. even though things might not ended up what you want but at least you still have the memories with you.
I know i was loved by you and i love you too, that's enough. Thanks for your love.

just my 2 cents =) hope it make senses.

I'm continue with another book called Tuesday with Morrie, well it written by same writer Mitch albom.

Song of the day
The fray - How to save a life

Free

2009-06-27T02:16:00.002+08:00

Don't ask me how and why, i don't even know.

This morning i woke up, i got a very weird feeling. I feel great and happy. it's like everything is solved and my brain prompt me this weird lines
"It's okay to be sad, but there is a limit. if it yours it will be your in the end, let it go. And be happy"
i feel like 10000kg burden has gone with in a night.

But of course that doesn't mean my feeling towards you has gone. it's still remain the same and firm!! and it doesn't mean i give up already. i'm still trying all the best i could to hold you back again.

Ok, school got 18 cases of H1N1. i call my mom(step mom), told her i'm not going to school due to the virus and stuffs and she say okay to me.
seriously i a bit reluctant to go school when my friends told me that school got H1N1 cases. cause i don't like to be quarantine, because its damn bored!

No internet and stuffs! can't be i play "Hide and seek with other patients right?" . lol...

I went to skate park with benedic to take picture of some skater. i got some good picture to share =) hope you guys like it, and as usuall keep the C&C coming in my tag blog.

cheers =)

Song of the day
Susan boyle - I dreamed a dream

Hope

2009-06-25T15:19:00.002+08:00

You make me wanna hold you till the morning rise.
You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night

Kill the hope that i have if you can't feel it.

If you can't feel it, i beg you help me move on. even though it's really hurt me a lots.

Just kill and end my hope.

Song of the day
Blue - You make me wanna

Hiding regrets in the smile

2009-06-25T00:00:00.009+08:00

To some this might be the sweetest simle i ever put on my face. But to me, its like i'm putting a mask on. i'mn putting all my regrets in my smile

i fought my way through the wall

but haven't gone pass it all

it's hard for me because there is no one to turn to.

The peace seams far away But i believe on day i will see the light

I will try to be strong, i try to be strong.

am i really okay? will i ever be fine? will i able to see hope?

How long can i hold this feeling? how long more i can endure this pain that killing me day by day?

i wish i could have a pain killer that can make me feel better.

can you really feel me, or you should've just tell me go off?

i really want to hold on, and dont wish to let go.

Song of the day

David choi - Hold on

I messed up really bad

2009-06-23T01:19:00.003+08:00

Now i know i messed up bad

It really hurt me every single day

i'm dying to let you know

i feel so bad, i feel so bad that you 're gone

We are in love for a reason and now you 're leaving

i know that now you are leaving and words won't bring you back

i'm here to say i'm sorry and ask for 2nd chance.

and i ask for nothing but want you back

i didn't mean to create problem for you. but i just want to let you know how i feel

i'm in a mess now like seriously. i messed up my life badly.

sorry if my post sounds down, i need time to fix myself.. i need a super duper big bandage to warp me around and fix me up

if i could sleep away this problem things will be great and come to an end.

Song of the day

state of shock - Best i ever had

High way of regrets..

2009-06-21T02:39:00.005+08:00

I know you have made up your mind

but i would never do you wrong

i've know it from the moment that we met

no doubt in my mind where you belong.

i'd go hungry

i'd go black and blue

i'd go crawling

down the avenue

no, there's nothing

that i wouldn't do

to make you feel my love

How am i suppose to make you feel my love?

This is really a down point of my life ever, i wonder can i ever see hope again.

i send my little prayer everysingle night just hoping that one day you can feel my love.

They say this is deep and meaningless, But to me this is the only thing i can do..

Lover or lover?

2009-06-20T15:39:00.002+08:00

There is 2 kind of lover

1st lover will shag with you till late night and leave you like a thief in the middle of the night.

2nd lover will shag withy ou till late night and cuddle you to sleep till the next morning.

which one do you guys prefer?

well i prefer to be a 2nd lover and to have a 2nd lover as well..

Song of the day

Adlee - make you feel my love.

Past

2009-06-19T09:54:00.003+08:00

Yesterday went to watch ghost of the girlfriend past, Highly recomended! some part of the story line really simillar like "The game" (A book).

It remind of me about the past. LOL

there is this line said that "To get over him, you need someone new that you can love and care"

should i do the same thing as well? but i don't think it easy to do so. i mean i hardly meet someone that really can make me love and care about them.

welll oh well cheers.

Let the rain wash away the trails you left behind

2009-06-18T14:03:00.003+08:00

Terus melangkah melupakanmu
belah hati perhatikan sikapmu
jalan pikiranmu buatku ragu
tak mungkin ini tetap bertahan

perlahan mimpi terasa mengganggu
kucoba untuk terus menjauh
perlahan hatiku terbelenggu
kucoba untuk lanjutkan itu

engkau bukanlah segalaku
bukan tempat tuk hentikan langkahku
usai sudah semua berlalu
biar hujan menghapus jejakmu

terus melangkah melupakanmu
belah hati perhatikan sikapmu
jalan pikiranmu buatku ragu
tak mungkin ini tetap bertahan

One of my fav song

Home sick

2009-06-18T00:50:00.001+08:00

Hurraayyy my dad is here today.

even though we don't really talk but i love him. do you love your dad as well?

well he is here for god-grandma funeral. tomorrow will be the last day for grandma. hope you can find peace in another world.

well to be honest i'm not really that sad

1. i'm not v close

2. she is 90!! before she left she told us not to be sad and DO NOT cry for her. so yeah..

May God be with you.

But too bad i can't meet my dad. i wanted to meet him because my allowence running low now! haha.... ok.. ok.. but to be honest when i see my relative in singapore it really make me feel like home.

i used to eat indonesian food ev sunday when i was international school. i enjoy my time with them, most of them from korean, vietnam, china, taiwan, thailand, greece etc etc.. it really make me feel like home when i hang out with them, perhaps they are foreigner and we share a common among us haha...

kindda home sick but i'm used to it already been stay far far away from my parents since i was 8 or 10 can't really remember. haha...

Song of the day

Feels like home = ten2five

Book Book and time time

2009-06-16T15:48:00.005+08:00

I guess time to read up my book, called "The game". Guys do find this book really good stuffs. It's about life and stuffs..

Btw the whole point of my blog is talk about life. to inspire and share with readers what i feel and not pint pointing anyone.. so don't take it so seriously.
i still miss my time with you and do not wish to make it ugly, i just need time to sort things out. no matter what i still enjoy and miss the good old time with you.

I might sounds like a loser but better than i pretend to be strong while i'm "not", well at least for now i'm not.. Just to let you know even though it's over, somehow i still miss you and there is time i still think about the good time we had. =).

cheers..

I believe i can fly, oneday

2009-06-16T10:29:00.007+08:00

PLS click this link for better quality pictures http://the-unperfect.deviantart.com/art/i-believe-i-can-fly-125916169

Another shoots i took during the photo marathon with jeff..
i dont know why i just can't resize the picture. and it look so blurish now! ughhh..

well oh well,,, i really hope i can shoot more in the future! haha..

Btw guys do you guys believe in karma?
well to me is no, there is no such thing as karma. You just miscalculate your steps only.
according to "The game(It's a book)" it said "Do not think of karma cause they ain't exist in this world. just do a better calculation in your steps." .. so don't be so superstitious believe in such thing as karma.

cheers.
Song of the day
Greenday - Do you know your enemy

Night + macro + shag = powderpul

2009-06-13T15:07:00.003+08:00

Guys this pic look blurish try to this link.

http://the-unperfect.deviantart.com/art/For-freedom-125751498

It's a safe link just another place for me to post photo only =) cheers

Yeah, yesterday after fyp go down to town meet teo and jeff again. have dinner and coffee chill for awhile then chiao..

Well yesterday jeff drives so we decided to explore certain part of singapore which i nv been there before and seriously i feel like i'm in another country cause it totally don't look like in singapore -.-. **or perhaps just me, country bumpkin haha**

oh well when we are on the way to our destination we saw moon, A BIG BRIGHT YELLOWISH MOON! we wanted to take picture of it but we didn't bring our cam out. so yeah i kept trying to psyco him and ended up we go back and take our gear! and go for night shooting.

But we didn't manage to shoot down the moon due to the time, cause the moon size colour and stuffs already look diffrent, oh well we still can do it other time.

Night photography is fun! but i really look and behave like a nerd cause i know nuts about night photography. Luckly i got jeff, haha he kindda guide, teach and share some photography technique with me.

Initially we wanted to take sunrise but it rain -.- so ended up we sleep in the car for 2 hours. around 7+ we went to botanic garden, and again jeff show me his macro skill and finally i can take macro now, well there is still alot of room for improvement. but at least i can capture something now!

Mambo jambo jumbo bambo bimbo....

2009-06-11T05:01:00.002+08:00

Yeah, just come back from zouk. i was planning to get "wasted" with all the boy today since vivian driving today haha,, but oh well too bad i didn't. i only get tipsy and a lil bit high.

It's fun to hang out with them =), jeff, theo, vivian, esmond and new friend call elden. *pardon me if i spell your name wrongly haha*

i just realise mambo really cool, seriously i need to learn. guess ev wed must hit to the club already. LOL just kidding.. but seriously really very cool..

Finally

2009-06-09T02:53:00.004+08:00

finally i sorted things out already..

lol.. i feel great. and to think about it i'm kindda dumb to lose in this game. should have win this base on my experience. nvm i learn some lesson now in life. in the future no more trust.

Thanks teo and jeff for accompany watch movie today haha.. kindda bored got nothing to do.

tomorrow badminton with jeff, vivian, and theo at 10 -.- pls KILL ME! haha

Fly high to the sky.

2009-06-08T18:39:00.009+08:00

Today when i'm on my way home from school i saw a kite.

somehow i really wish i could be like a kite fly free up to the sky.. care free, feel free, and just fly whenever the wind bring you.

Somehow i still feel troubled. how i wish i could have a day off for my brain.

If i could turn time back, i wish i could do thing right, But

What you have done is done. there is no point turning back and regret about it. I really hope tomorrow will be a good day for me.

Song of the day

David cook - permanent

Another chapter

2009-06-07T10:56:00.005+08:00

I fliped through another chapter of my life, and the new chapter has begin=). somehow i feel great and relief.

lesser burden to think, and as usuall i move on already. no point thinking of problem you can't solve and the person who don't deserve it=)

thanks jeff and theo just love you guys =p..

Oh yeah, today i'm shiffting house. still havent pack my stuffs yet -.-.

Btw stay tune this sat i'm going to take picture of welna. so yeah i will be posting it at glouse.blogspot.com. thanks for your support and hope can recieve some C&C..